Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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