By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
