Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
