and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
