there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
