i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize