I wish my penis had an off switch
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
