2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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