After last night, I could never be a politician.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
