Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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