Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina is officially offended.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
