Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
