I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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