you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
