it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
