Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
