STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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