If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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