Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
