bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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