he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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