3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well you can't waste a boner
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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