You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude. I can hear the air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize