Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize