Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize