reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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