The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
