yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
