I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
