I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm really busy with my period
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