Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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