Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
