sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
