btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
