oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You need Xanax blowdarts
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
