I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
People in love make me want to vomit
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
