I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
