She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
