Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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