FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
