I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
