I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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