I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
