I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
