i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
