kristin has been a bad kristin
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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