please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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