If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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