Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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