woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize