He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
