He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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