Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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