Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
