I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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