i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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