Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
