im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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