Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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