So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
