Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
