So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
