I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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