I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
