I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize