At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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