dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize