What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am puke
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
