Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
