so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
